Breaking
Burnt Out CISO Forced to Decline Michelin-Starred Round Table Dinner.NetFortress Engineer Accidentally Becomes First Billionaire to Patch His Way Onto Forbes ListCompany pays staff not to leak dataCISO publishes groundbreaking strategySDR Makes History by Actually Caring That A CISO Did Not Want to be EmailedCISO Has an Uneventful Day: World Left StunnedLIVE: Following AWS’s Lead, Cloudflare Also Attempts “Turning the Internet Off and On Again”AI Coding Tool Used in Massive Espionage Campaign Celebrates Achieving “Market Fit”CyberSock Industries Raises $47M to Protect Security Keys from “Pocket-Based Threat Actors”Tragedy Strikes: 12-Month Rest-and-Vest Interrupted by Security Training DeadlineVulnerability Scanner Now Sending Birthday Cards With Unpatched CVEsCompany ingeniously avoids breach by maintaining outdated softwareSecurity Company Raises $120M to “Completely Forget About Security,” Rebrands as AI Monetization PlatformVulnerability Scanner Now Offers Discounts for Every Finding It Gets WrongCISO Finally Gets Rid of Log4j Nightmares After Two Years of TherapySecurity Engineer Working on FedRAMP Files Career Deviation RequestSecurity Sales Guy Finally Understands What His Network Detection Tool DoesEngineer “More of a Dirt Road Kind of Guy”LOST: Does Anyone Own This Vendor?CISO Goes to Jail for Doing an Okay JobCISO Vows To Find Individual Behind Decision He Announced In All-Hands EmailRansomware Negotiator Mails $340,000 in Cash to Attackers After Security Training Only Mentioned Gift Cards and BitcoinTeams Left Confused and Disappointed by New “Shift Left” Fitness ProgramCISO Discovers Entire Security Data Lake Can Be Summarized with Three CheckboxesIncident Manager Can't Sleep During First Week Off-Call in 18 MonthsCISO’s DIY AI Agent Project Excelling at Burning MoneyRiot Breaks Out at Corporate Headquarters after Security Team Introduces “Shift Left”Heroic Helpdesk Analyst Saves Company by Sending Entire Active Directory to StrangerRise of the Prompt Slop: How AI’s Appetite for Garbage Is the Internet’s New Security ThreatSecurity Test Goes Too Well, SecOps Not AmusedLouvre Protected $50 Billion in Art With Password 'LOUVRE'Project Budget Dump: The Billion-Dollar Plan to Buy More Nothing, FasterSecurity Team Declares "Screw It" after 847th Critical Vuln Turns out to be Some Obscure Library Nobody UsesSecurity Engineer Finally Completes Homegrown SIEM, Only Took 12 Years and Three DivorcesAWS Outage Forces Employees to Discover They Have FamiliesNew AI Vendor Successfully Manages to Sell Real Snake Oil to CISOAWS Insists Outage "Definitely Not DNS" Before Admitting It Was Totally DNSBurnt Out CISO Forced to Decline Michelin-Starred Round Table Dinner.NetFortress Engineer Accidentally Becomes First Billionaire to Patch His Way Onto Forbes ListCompany pays staff not to leak dataCISO publishes groundbreaking strategySDR Makes History by Actually Caring That A CISO Did Not Want to be EmailedCISO Has an Uneventful Day: World Left StunnedLIVE: Following AWS’s Lead, Cloudflare Also Attempts “Turning the Internet Off and On Again”AI Coding Tool Used in Massive Espionage Campaign Celebrates Achieving “Market Fit”CyberSock Industries Raises $47M to Protect Security Keys from “Pocket-Based Threat Actors”Tragedy Strikes: 12-Month Rest-and-Vest Interrupted by Security Training DeadlineVulnerability Scanner Now Sending Birthday Cards With Unpatched CVEsCompany ingeniously avoids breach by maintaining outdated softwareSecurity Company Raises $120M to “Completely Forget About Security,” Rebrands as AI Monetization PlatformVulnerability Scanner Now Offers Discounts for Every Finding It Gets WrongCISO Finally Gets Rid of Log4j Nightmares After Two Years of TherapySecurity Engineer Working on FedRAMP Files Career Deviation RequestSecurity Sales Guy Finally Understands What His Network Detection Tool DoesEngineer “More of a Dirt Road Kind of Guy”LOST: Does Anyone Own This Vendor?CISO Goes to Jail for Doing an Okay JobCISO Vows To Find Individual Behind Decision He Announced In All-Hands EmailRansomware Negotiator Mails $340,000 in Cash to Attackers After Security Training Only Mentioned Gift Cards and BitcoinTeams Left Confused and Disappointed by New “Shift Left” Fitness ProgramCISO Discovers Entire Security Data Lake Can Be Summarized with Three CheckboxesIncident Manager Can't Sleep During First Week Off-Call in 18 MonthsCISO’s DIY AI Agent Project Excelling at Burning MoneyRiot Breaks Out at Corporate Headquarters after Security Team Introduces “Shift Left”Heroic Helpdesk Analyst Saves Company by Sending Entire Active Directory to StrangerRise of the Prompt Slop: How AI’s Appetite for Garbage Is the Internet’s New Security ThreatSecurity Test Goes Too Well, SecOps Not AmusedLouvre Protected $50 Billion in Art With Password 'LOUVRE'Project Budget Dump: The Billion-Dollar Plan to Buy More Nothing, FasterSecurity Team Declares "Screw It" after 847th Critical Vuln Turns out to be Some Obscure Library Nobody UsesSecurity Engineer Finally Completes Homegrown SIEM, Only Took 12 Years and Three DivorcesAWS Outage Forces Employees to Discover They Have FamiliesNew AI Vendor Successfully Manages to Sell Real Snake Oil to CISOAWS Insists Outage "Definitely Not DNS" Before Admitting It Was Totally DNSBurnt Out CISO Forced to Decline Michelin-Starred Round Table Dinner.NetFortress Engineer Accidentally Becomes First Billionaire to Patch His Way Onto Forbes ListCompany pays staff not to leak dataCISO publishes groundbreaking strategySDR Makes History by Actually Caring That A CISO Did Not Want to be EmailedCISO Has an Uneventful Day: World Left StunnedLIVE: Following AWS’s Lead, Cloudflare Also Attempts “Turning the Internet Off and On Again”AI Coding Tool Used in Massive Espionage Campaign Celebrates Achieving “Market Fit”CyberSock Industries Raises $47M to Protect Security Keys from “Pocket-Based Threat Actors”Tragedy Strikes: 12-Month Rest-and-Vest Interrupted by Security Training DeadlineVulnerability Scanner Now Sending Birthday Cards With Unpatched CVEsCompany ingeniously avoids breach by maintaining outdated softwareSecurity Company Raises $120M to “Completely Forget About Security,” Rebrands as AI Monetization PlatformVulnerability Scanner Now Offers Discounts for Every Finding It Gets WrongCISO Finally Gets Rid of Log4j Nightmares After Two Years of TherapySecurity Engineer Working on FedRAMP Files Career Deviation RequestSecurity Sales Guy Finally Understands What His Network Detection Tool DoesEngineer “More of a Dirt Road Kind of Guy”LOST: Does Anyone Own This Vendor?CISO Goes to Jail for Doing an Okay JobCISO Vows To Find Individual Behind Decision He Announced In All-Hands EmailRansomware Negotiator Mails $340,000 in Cash to Attackers After Security Training Only Mentioned Gift Cards and BitcoinTeams Left Confused and Disappointed by New “Shift Left” Fitness ProgramCISO Discovers Entire Security Data Lake Can Be Summarized with Three CheckboxesIncident Manager Can't Sleep During First Week Off-Call in 18 MonthsCISO’s DIY AI Agent Project Excelling at Burning MoneyRiot Breaks Out at Corporate Headquarters after Security Team Introduces “Shift Left”Heroic Helpdesk Analyst Saves Company by Sending Entire Active Directory to StrangerRise of the Prompt Slop: How AI’s Appetite for Garbage Is the Internet’s New Security ThreatSecurity Test Goes Too Well, SecOps Not AmusedLouvre Protected $50 Billion in Art With Password 'LOUVRE'Project Budget Dump: The Billion-Dollar Plan to Buy More Nothing, FasterSecurity Team Declares "Screw It" after 847th Critical Vuln Turns out to be Some Obscure Library Nobody UsesSecurity Engineer Finally Completes Homegrown SIEM, Only Took 12 Years and Three DivorcesAWS Outage Forces Employees to Discover They Have FamiliesNew AI Vendor Successfully Manages to Sell Real Snake Oil to CISOAWS Insists Outage "Definitely Not DNS" Before Admitting It Was Totally DNSBurnt Out CISO Forced to Decline Michelin-Starred Round Table Dinner.NetFortress Engineer Accidentally Becomes First Billionaire to Patch His Way Onto Forbes ListCompany pays staff not to leak dataCISO publishes groundbreaking strategySDR Makes History by Actually Caring That A CISO Did Not Want to be EmailedCISO Has an Uneventful Day: World Left StunnedLIVE: Following AWS’s Lead, Cloudflare Also Attempts “Turning the Internet Off and On Again”AI Coding Tool Used in Massive Espionage Campaign Celebrates Achieving “Market Fit”CyberSock Industries Raises $47M to Protect Security Keys from “Pocket-Based Threat Actors”Tragedy Strikes: 12-Month Rest-and-Vest Interrupted by Security Training DeadlineVulnerability Scanner Now Sending Birthday Cards With Unpatched CVEsCompany ingeniously avoids breach by maintaining outdated softwareSecurity Company Raises $120M to “Completely Forget About Security,” Rebrands as AI Monetization PlatformVulnerability Scanner Now Offers Discounts for Every Finding It Gets WrongCISO Finally Gets Rid of Log4j Nightmares After Two Years of TherapySecurity Engineer Working on FedRAMP Files Career Deviation RequestSecurity Sales Guy Finally Understands What His Network Detection Tool DoesEngineer “More of a Dirt Road Kind of Guy”LOST: Does Anyone Own This Vendor?CISO Goes to Jail for Doing an Okay JobCISO Vows To Find Individual Behind Decision He Announced In All-Hands EmailRansomware Negotiator Mails $340,000 in Cash to Attackers After Security Training Only Mentioned Gift Cards and BitcoinTeams Left Confused and Disappointed by New “Shift Left” Fitness ProgramCISO Discovers Entire Security Data Lake Can Be Summarized with Three CheckboxesIncident Manager Can't Sleep During First Week Off-Call in 18 MonthsCISO’s DIY AI Agent Project Excelling at Burning MoneyRiot Breaks Out at Corporate Headquarters after Security Team Introduces “Shift Left”Heroic Helpdesk Analyst Saves Company by Sending Entire Active Directory to StrangerRise of the Prompt Slop: How AI’s Appetite for Garbage Is the Internet’s New Security ThreatSecurity Test Goes Too Well, SecOps Not AmusedLouvre Protected $50 Billion in Art With Password 'LOUVRE'Project Budget Dump: The Billion-Dollar Plan to Buy More Nothing, FasterSecurity Team Declares "Screw It" after 847th Critical Vuln Turns out to be Some Obscure Library Nobody UsesSecurity Engineer Finally Completes Homegrown SIEM, Only Took 12 Years and Three DivorcesAWS Outage Forces Employees to Discover They Have FamiliesNew AI Vendor Successfully Manages to Sell Real Snake Oil to CISOAWS Insists Outage "Definitely Not DNS" Before Admitting It Was Totally DNS

Cloud Chronicles

Engineer “More of a Dirt Road Kind of Guy”

Engineer “More of a Dirt Road Kind of Guy”

The Exploit Staff
Project Budget Dump: The Billion-Dollar Plan to Buy More Nothing, Faster

Project Budget Dump: The Billion-Dollar Plan to Buy More Nothing, Faster

After exhausting all other options like 'thinking' and 'planning,' the cybersecurity industry has unveiled Project Budget Dump, a $4.6 billion initiative to help enterprises buy their way to security nirvana through the aggressive deployment of redundant platforms, poorly integrated dashboards, and duplicated functionality across multiple vendors. Early adopters proudly report running five CASBs, three EDRs, two SIEMs, and one prayer—because if you can't outthink the attacker, you can at least outspend them until your CFO starts asking uncomfortable questions about why you're still getting breached.

Dr. Chase Cunningham
Security Team Declares "Screw It" after 847th Critical Vuln Turns out to be Some Obscure Library Nobody Uses

Security Team Declares "Screw It" after 847th Critical Vuln Turns out to be Some Obscure Library Nobody Uses

After the 847th “critical” vulnerability turned out to affect a library nobody’s used since 2019, Acme Corp’s security team finally snapped. The CISO declared “screw it,” shredded the compliance binder, and poured a “therapeutic amount” of whiskey — pioneering what analysts now call Vulnerability Fatigue Syndrome.

Joseph Barringhaus
AWS Outage Forces Employees to Discover They Have Families

AWS Outage Forces Employees to Discover They Have Families

Fifteen-hour AWS outage forces employees to actually leave work and discover they have families at home.

The Exploit Staff
AWS Insists Outage "Definitely Not DNS" Before Admitting It Was Totally DNS

AWS Insists Outage "Definitely Not DNS" Before Admitting It Was Totally DNS

Amazon spends 8 hours ruling out DNS before discovering root cause was DNS, proving it's always DNS even when they swear it isn't.

The Exploit Staff
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