For a limited time only, get LIFETIME PROTECTION for only $999
Deploy in just 6-8 months! Our traveling medicine show will visit your office personally.
Endorsed by Dr. Cornelius P. Snakeoil himself! *Not a real doctor.
*Backups not included. Protection not guaranteed. Side effects may include complete data loss.
Scientifically* Proven to Cure All Your Security Ailments
Our secret blend of blockchain, AI, and real snake extract has been protecting data since before computers existed!
Each bottle is personally blessed by Dr. Snakeoil and aged in authentic oak barrels for that premium security flavor!
Winner of the 1849 Wild West Security Expo! Beat out other vendors by being the only vendor!
Made with 100% authentic snake oil, rattlesnake venom, and a proprietary blend of buzzwords!
Our wagon arrives with live demonstrations! Watch us fail to replicate customer issues in real-time!
Proven to work in extreme conditions! Left a bottle in the desert for a week and it didn't explode!
*Not scientifically proven. **Award may not be real. Results not typical.
Real* Testimonials from Real** People
"This here snake oil fixed my data breach faster than a rattlesnake strikes! I was mighty impressed when they showed up with their wagon full of compliance documents!"
Sheriff Buck "Firewall" McIntosh
Chief Security Officer, Tombstone Mining Co.
"Dr. Snakeoil's elixir cured my ransomware AND my rheumatism! I bought 47 bottles for the whole saloon. Best $47,000 I ever spent!"
Miss Kitty "Encryption" Russell
Proprietress, Long Branch Saloon & Data Center
"We secured our entire banking operation with just one bottle! Course, we only have one computer, but still mighty impressive!"
Banker "Zero-Day" Johnson
President, First National Bank of Deadwood
"I don't rightly understand what 'cyber security' means, but the Doc's snake oil tastes better than the competitor's horse liniment!"
"Wyatt" Enterprise Architect
Marshal, Dodge City IT Department
*Testimonials may be fabricated. **People may not exist. Results definitely not typical.
WARNING: Snakeoil Security contains real snake oil, which may or may not exist. Side effects may include: false sense of security, vendor lock-in, budget overruns, unexplained downtime, mysterious consultant fees, and spontaneous snake appearances.
DISCLAIMER: Dr. Cornelius P. Snakeoil is not a licensed physician, security professional, or real person. Product has not been evaluated by the FDA, FTC, CISA, or anyone with actual credentials.
GUARANTEE: We guarantee absolutely nothing. Money-back guarantee void where prohibited, everywhere, always. Backups sold separately. Data loss may occur during normal operation.
By purchasing Snakeoil Security, you agree that we make no promises, warranties, or sense whatsoever. Any resemblance to actual security products is purely coincidental and possibly concerning.
ORDER YOUR BOTTLE TODAY!
Limited Time Offer: Get Lifetime Protection for Only
(Regular price: $9,999 | Enterprise: Contact our wagon master)