Tragedy Strikes: 12-Month Rest-and-Vest Interrupted by Security Training Deadline

In a tragic reminder of the importance of mandatory security training, what started as a routine Tuesday morning turned devastating for Senior Engineer Marcus Chen, whose peaceful 12-month rest-and-vest came to a violent halt when HR’s final warning email appeared on his second ultra-wide monitor, interrupting a crucial ranked match and forcing him to set down his bag of Cheetos.

Chen, who has been running the same errand during daily standup for the past year, expressed shock that the deadline had arrived so quickly. “It feels like I just did this training,” he said, orange dust visible on his mechanical keyboard.

“I only saw the email by pure luck,” Chen explained, visibly frustrated. “If this had come through as a ticket like everything else, I would have handled it properly.” When asked how he typically handles tickets, Chen confirmed he closes them with “Cannot reproduce” regardless of content. His ticket dashboard shows a 100% resolution rate, with resolution times varying between 1-10 minutes. “I built a sophisticated AI agent that randomizes the closing time,” Chen said proudly. “The randomization was the hardest part."

Chen believes his approach to ticket management has been crucial in maximizing shareholder value. “By eliminating blockers quickly, I’m enabling the team to move fast and rally around our quarterly OKRs,” he explained, gesturing at his closed ticket dashboard.

The training itself took approximately 47 minutes to complete, during which Chen was forced to pause his game and clean Cheeto dust from his mouse. “The videos weren’t skippable,” he said, still visibly shaken. “But I figured out you could watch at 2x speed, which reduced the time by 50%. That’s the kind of problem-solving that separates senior engineers from junior ones.”

Despite the ordeal, Chen remained optimistic about his career trajectory. Following the training’s completion, he immediately requested peer feedback on his “critical compliance work” and submitted a promotion packet to his manager, who is currently working remotely from Bali for the third consecutive month. “This kind of high-impact work really demonstrates staff-plus level thinking,” Chen noted, before returning to his game with a fresh bag of Cheetos.

At press time, Chen had successfully returned to his rest-and-vest routine, with his next major deliverable scheduled for the 2026 security training deadline.