San Francisco, CA — While most vendors descend on Moscone Center each year to announce products nobody asked for, Cloudi Securiti took a different approach at this year's RSA Conference. The $180m-funded cloud security startup opted to skip the obligatory AI product launch entirely and instead unveil a new set of company values. The audience, expecting the usual live product demo to crash on stage, was not prepared for what followed.

"We read Radical Candour," explained Chief People Officer Dana White, not to be confused with the fighting president, addressing a room of approximately forty attendees and one journalist who were hoping for a session that was genuinely helpful. "It really made us think. And what we thought was: why are we lying to everyone?"

The four new values were displayed on a slide in 48-point Helvetica font. We Do The Wrong Thing. People Last. Take Your Time. Go It Alone.

White walked the room through each one. In situations of genuine moral ambiguity, Cloudi Securiti would now formally select whichever path delivered the highest short-term margin. "Pesky morals," she noted, "have never closed a quarter." The People Last pillar received a knowing nod from several audience members. "We don't care about our people. We thought it was time to just say that out loud instead of writing it in 14-point font on a Values page nobody reads." Take Your Time was described as a direct response to the industry's obsession with shipping velocity. "Every vendor at this conference has shipped something in the last 72 hours," White said, gesturing broadly at the exhibition floor. "Why? Rome wasn't built in a day. Chill your beans." Cloudi Securiti would henceforth operate on what White described as a "considered cadence," which the slide defined as: we'll get there when we get there. Go It Alone rounded things out, formally retiring the word "collaboration" from all internal communications effective immediately.

Industry analyst Brendan Marsh from Forrester called it "the most honest booth conversation I've had in eleven years of RSA." He was reportedly still there three hours later.